How to live:


Sunday, January 30, 2011

My Poem: Here I Stand...Forever

Here I stand
Waiting for all to assuredly fall apart
Within the obscure depths of this battered heart
That cries out ..
That dies out..
For it can no longer take the pain
It can no longer stay sane
So here I stand
Waiting for the chance
To take that final stance
Against the cutting edges of this blight
In which traps me in its miserable plight
Wanting to believe an escape would somehow appear
However, knowing one will never draw near
All I am able to do is wait
And endure my inevitable fate
Here I stand
With no where left to turn
I can only accept the lingering burn
From the hole in my chest
That will never have a chance to rest

Friday, January 28, 2011

My Poem: The Wall I Built

Stone Wall
Enduring the decay of time
Debris piling in layers within the cement cracks
Attempting to induce its foundation to crumble
Yet its form is still sturdy and strong
Soaring toward the heavens in praise for its protection

Day after day
Stone after stone comes tumbling to the ground
Caused by the affliction of others
While holy hands pick them up
Returning them to their proper place
Restoring their refinement
Polishing them with grace

Day after day
The wall creates a barrier
Enclosing around my fragile heart
Protecting it from possible torment
From ever making mistakes
From ever experiencing disappointment
From ever beating to the fullest

Yet there is Hope
Slowly pouring forth through the cracks
Soaking into the stones
And once more into the heart
Dying it from black to scarlet
Allowing it to drink and be refreshed

So that it may breathe the life of God
And no longer be suffocated
To trust once more
And no longer having to protect and instead live
To experience the light once more
To reach out without fear
To no longer be forever hidden behind a wall
In the shadows

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My Poem: I Wish to Sleep

The rippling grass sways to and fro while the gale collects the meadow's reap,
Serenity clings to the air with all of its might,
Do not be bothersome for I wish to sleep.

Resting in the warmth of the golden light,
Eyes sealed, drifting within a permanent dream,
Do not search for I am no longer in sight.

The distance sounds forth a call from an endless stream,
A watery slumber it doth cry,
Do not assume all is what it may seem.

For there the pieces of a shattered heart doth lie,
Scattered among the rushing depths in dispose,
Do not attempt to gather them; no need to try.

The brimming trees in the field line appose,
Marking the mound of bliss,
Do not be bothersome for I wish to repose.

To stay and weep for the one I truly miss,
In the presence of death's lingering kiss.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Candle of Meaning

There is a candle in the window
Dim, yet prevailing over the night's black veil
Its flickering light a beacon
Guiding the mind toward the edge of imagination
Releasing thick fumes of inspiration
Consuming the oxygen of life
Dancing to the rhythm of passion
Burning with the intensity of desire
Illuminating the path into the heart
Casting a shadow over the eyes of solitude
Lingering through the chilling hour
Producing silence that sounds forth power
Withstanding the blows of oppression
Exposing the heat of the moment
Signaling the possibility of danger
Dim, yet prevailing over the night's black veil
There is a candle in the window

Friday, January 21, 2011

My Poem: Afraid to love

For what shall I do?
When my heart yearns to be loved
To savor the intense scarlet flame of affection
To grasp it and never unleash its chains
To extend its modest hand toward others
And accept it in return
Yet retreat from each oppurtunity

For what shall I do?
When each time you draw closer
And I no longer stand my ground
Fleeing from the words spoken inside
Fleeing to never glance back over my shoulder
With cascading tears of regret

For what shall I do?
When dismay controls
When fear takes place
Revealing possible dissapointment
Revealing my defective fault
Of being terrified to love
Of being loved in return

For what shall I do?
When I am terrified of the potential outcome
Or the possibility of giving my heart away
And recieving another
Of changing
Of being worthy

For what shall I do?
When I am the coward
Who is afraid to love
And be loved

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Poem: Dear Heavenly Father

How beautiful does Your name sound in my ear,
The whispers of Your humble grace fill the surrounding air,
And such joy consumes my heart when Your presence is near,
To lean off Your path......I do not dare.

I admit, the walk upon this disheveled path is a complex fate,
Numerous bends appear before my weary feet,
And deciding which is golden only leaves me in a perplex state,
For these detours are not a simple one way street.

Therefore, I come forth and present to You all that is worthy in Your name,
Even though a minute amount it may seem to be,
I do so with my head raised before You, revealing no traces of shame,
And my eyes containing wonderous vision so that Your miracles they may see.

Lord, provide me with the strength to face the fierce battles ahead,
To live with valor in order to never forsake,
And to forgive those who upon me do tread,
For leaning on your path......will never be a mistake.

Your love for me is similar to a rich cloud pouring forth abundant rain,
Endlessly flowing to shroud me thoroughly, sinking down to my core,
With each drop it binds together my torn filaments, healing the pain,
Allowing me to glance foward at what You have in store.

Thankful I truely am to bed blessed with Your breathe,
And for the ultimate sacrifice you paid upon the cross,
For you are the reason why I hold no fear for death,
Or why I no longer stumble when I am at a loss.

Further lead me when I have once again went astray,
And guide each step I take with the utmost care,
For under no circumstance will I cease to follow your way,
To lean off of Your chosen path for me.....I do not dare.


Monday, January 17, 2011

My Reminder: Taken Away

Til this very day that spot in my heart will not go away.
It is nothing but empty space, for it can never be filled.
Cold and dreary, still in its stage of mourning.
How I long for it to flee from my essence and never come back.
This power I truely do lack.
I no longer have the strength to keep the agony from winning, therefore my world keeps spinning.
Been taken away and that empty spot is all there is to show for it.
Darkness fills my endless pit.
Been taken away from what should have been life.
It was stolen by fate, the thing I now truely hate.
Left are only what ifs and what could have beens.
Why me I always say, even til this very day.
Why was I taken away.
Over and over the same response sounds in the distance.
Before me lies the world I now reside in.
Filled with my imaginary visions of what was to be.
That block my sight so that I can no longer see.
It is when I finally come back to reality does that space within yearn to be finally consumed.
To be forgotten so that I can move on.
To forgive in order to move on.
It twice transformed my life and has only left me scars to cover and hover over me.
The first occurance ended in disaster but it is the key.
For it inflicted on my life the most, now treating me as its host.
To laugh at me, to show me no mercy.
Such first experience, my body regularily endured the blows from the hands.
Until the point of my feet failing me and I would fall.
Then the pain swept over my body sounding its desperate call,
For help. For comfort. For love.
Oh how I long for the reminders to flee from my essence and never come back.
This power I truely do lack.
I no longer have the strength to keep the agony from winning, therefore my world keeps spinning.
For I have been taken away and that empty spot is all I have to show for it.
Darkness fills my endless pit.
Such life was to contain no abuse.
But I was taken away by fate, the thing I now truely hate.
Now reminders make their mark on my fragile state.....

Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Poem: No One Knows

The heart hurts from all of the inflictions of life,
Always crying out for help due to such great strife.
No one ever hears the pleas forever pouring out,
Even when they seem to shout.
The eyes regularly show evidence of the red flag,
And the feet, with each step, constantly drag.
Everyone walks by having no clue of the pain within,
While a forced smile greets them as kin.
One side of the story has never been fully told,
Therefore, a mask will the hand then hold.
Each morning it is placed upon the face,
In order to hide away any trace,
Of what the heart truely feels,
In which this mask now conceals,
Away from all.
But the cry still does call,
For someone to hear.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

My Poem: Who I Adore

Grandeur spills from every crevice of His holy face,
Pouring from the effulgent heaven about toward my on this poisonous ground,
He infiltrates the endless depths of my being filling my empty space,
For he is the lustrous guide in which i found.

King of Kings is He who fabricated my flesh and blood using His humble hands,
He is my beginning, my end, the justification for my subsistence.
So gracious is He to bestow me  breathe in order to follow his commands,
And to give second chances to me for my faults without resistance.

The perfect image is He while i a ruined page in His book,
I am feeble and frail as He is almighty in all.
Nor am i worthy for his abundance, yet still upon me he doth look,
Even more, it his His cleansed hands that lift me up when i happen to fall.

I am in no comparison to my beloved creator whom i adore,
Yet He will be my guide forever more.

My Poem: LIE

I was once told not to tell a lie,
I admit sometimes i have to try,
To not utter one from my own lip,
To not keep one in my grip.
When i do speak one, indeed i feel bad,
deceiving cheat i am, it makes me mad.
I question the person that a lie makes me become,
I question where they originate from.
My conscious.
My Anger.
My desire to be wicked.
Or do they have a mind of their own,
Speaking in their own form of tone,
Only using my mouth to come out,
In more than one spout.
But why do i blame only me,
When i am not the only one to be,
Controlled by a lie,
Therefore, i let out a long sigh.

My Poem: Man

So blind is man from the hurt he creates,
In more than one life it infiltrates.
It is but only ignorance he extends toward others,
Instead of treating them as sisters and brothers.
Courage he has, to show no sorrow for the crime he did commit,
While behind him is a trail of victims he had treated like s***.
His hands are stained with his evil deeds,
And still he goes to plant more of his rotten seeds.
Why has man come to be this way,
What happened to those times his attitude did not sway.
When he was kind and only wanted peace,
Now his gentler ways have only ceased.
Yes i miss those time,
When man committed no crimes.

My Poem: Unlike You

Every morning the sun does shine upon the floor,
Its fingers burning me forever more,
I cannot stand its golden rays,
For they remind me of those summer days.
When i used to see you wicked smile,
In which would bring me another trial.
Your love was but only a reflection,
Of your ugly deceiving imperfection.
You once said you would forever love me,
Then you said the same to another three.
What happened to honesty and compassion,
What you have showed me was of absolute dissatisfaction.
Your love was but a false allusion,
In which brought me utter confusion.
Is this the way love is now,
Why can't i find one that is true,
That will love me, unlike you!

My Poem: Cry

In silence doth the tears slowly fall,
They are wet, salty, descending down my face,
For no more do i hear your beautiful call,
It is now muffled underneath the silver glass case.

I try to take in what has occurred,
For it was something i never preferred.
You are gone forever from this chilling place,
Leaving behind tear drops upon my face.

I stand here in silence thinking of what to do next,
My world is lost now not having you there,
For the ground only spins on the other side of this text,
And my heart splits open from a single tear .

Cry right from the start.
Cry now does my heart.
Cry with everything in me.
Cry for all that was to be.

My Poem: FEAR

The piercing sound of the raven's call,
Darkens my soul with its shadow so tall.
Its thick feathers spread forth in the blackened night,
Searching for its victim that is no longer in sight.
He used to bind together my hands,
But he no longer has those commands.
For i am lost from the sight of his black eyes,
Escaping while he sends out his wailing crys.
Casting the blanket of its veil so grim,
The evil bird searches the terrain before him.
Still having high hopes of catching its prey,
Even if it takes til the light of day.
No longer doth he grasp the strings of my mind,
For it was the presence of God whom i did find.
No more running or hiding in the dark of the night,
For i am now over flowing with God's gracious light.

My Poem: Reaching Heaven

The sweet sensation of the sharpening rain,
It erases and takes away the lingering pain.
The pain that resided deeply within the fibers of my being,
No longer keep my eyes from seeing.
Now i can see the way the green grass flows,
Leading my toward the path of ebony crows.
Who call my name asking me to come along,
And join them in their evening song.
That was when i saw you standing by the Dogwood tree,
With your arms spread open welcoming me.
I finally made my way to the eternal home,
Where my spirit is now forever free to roam.

My Poem: None Other Than Mine

The wind takes off with a piece of my heart,
Its breath is cold, chilling as we grow further apart.
Still i do not miss the broken piece it stole,
For how can i when it was as dark as sheer coal.
And who's fault is it for its dreary state,
None other than my tragic fate.
Alone i now waste my time in grief,
For when it appears it is not brief.
Each day i await the moment when the sun does shine,
Who's life is this, none other than mine.


Life journey is but too short of a ride,
For i cannot spend my time upon such a small tide.
I wish to do this and i wish to do that,
But my wishes keep piling on a distant flat.
Before my waining time has indeed come to pass,
In which i will then be buried underneath the luscious grass,
I wish to do all that few have ever done,
And that is to live life not on the run.
No more running from the person i was meant to be,
No more running from what i can no longer see.
No more running from the people i fear,
Or even from what i do not wish to hear...
I desire to let go of all the hurt and proceed ahead fast,
For what life holds for me is much to vast.